The Road Trip
by Dagny T
Summary: Once the war is finally over, Dumbledore makes Hermione and Severus go on a road trip of America to try and relax. SSHG. WIKTT Challenge


Disclaimer: Don't own it. Don't sue.

**The Road Trip**

"Dammit, Albus! I am not going on a road trip in bloody America!" Severus shouted at the headmaster.

"Severus, you need a break. The war is over, and you've yet to rejoice! Let go of all of your stress, relax. I once went on a road trip where I saw some of the most amazing sights – " Dumbledore started, his eyes a-twinkle.

"And then you woke up and realized it was all just a dream!" Snape shouted back, glaring menacingly.

"... Well, yes. But the point is, if you do not go on this trip, I will fire you from my school," Dumbledore proclaimed.

Severus stared blankly for a moment. "Fine. I will go on this little 'road trip' you've concocted," he almost grimaced at the thought of what his future now held.

"Oh, and by the way, you will need someone to accompany you; someone who's more familiar with America," the headmaster replied gleefully and exited his employee's quarters.

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"But, Professor –" the 21 year-old witch started to protest.

"Please, Hermione, I am not your professor, call me Albus. And no buts. You are going on this trip. You leave in three days and will meet your traveling companion in my office at seven o'clock that morning," the old man grinned, her cue that the conversation was over and she could leave. Hermione sighed, defeated, and began home to start packing.

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"Peppermint Humbug," Hermione said to the Gargoyle as she shifted her suitcase so it could be carried more easily. She stepped onto the moving staircase and was startled to hear someone step up behind her. She turned around and looked puzzlingly at her ex-Potions Master.

"And what are you doing her, Miss Granger?" he asked with a sneer. His eyes fell on her luggage and widened. "Albus!" he muttered harshly under his breath, realization dawning on both of the road trip-ees. They reached the top of the stairway and opened the door to find the object of their anger sitting behind his desk, holding an empty butterbeer bottle and smiling insanely.

"Albus, you did not tell me –" Severus started as Hermione whined, "Professor, you never –"

"Ah, good; you're here just in time!" Dumbledore chose to ignore their protests. "Here is your portkey; you will arrive in an alleyway behind a car rental shop in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. You are to rent a car, and where you go from there is up to you! I have provided you with some snacks and a portkey that is set to leave this same time two weeks from now. Oh, and try to keep the magic to minimal," he handed Hermione a brown paper bag which included a bottle identical to the one still on his desk. He fluttered his fingers toward them in a sort of goodbye and offered them the bottle. Just as they both grasped it they both felt a familiar tug at their navel and appeared seconds later in a dark, cramped alley.

They each lost their balance and fell in a heap of clothing, luggage, person, and dust. "Get off of me!" Severus hissed at the witch lying across his chest and making it hard to breath. Hermione blushed and pushed herself up, Severus right behind her. He sniffed disdainfully and brushed himself off. They walked around the building on their left and entered a parking lot filled with cars of all colours and sizes. It was dubbed 'Rent-A-Car'. They walked into the small office and up to the counter where a smiling, portly woman sat.

"We would like to rent a car," Severus said, pointing out the obvious.

"Well, right this way," the woman said and ushered them back into the lot. "What about this one?" she asked pointing to a very large, very clunky, very red, Hummer. Severus choked, a look of utter horror on his face. "I'll take that as a no... This one better?" she asked, now pointing to a dark blue Acura.

"We'll take it," Hermione said and the three went back inside to settle the details and price. They signed a few papers and Hermione showed the woman the driver's license she had got two years ago when she first visited America.

"Now, normally it would be $20 a day, but we give a discount of five dollars a day to couples, seeing as Valentine's Day is in a week," the woman said.

"We're not –"

"How wonderful!" Hermione said and grabbed the older man's hand.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" he whispered in her ear.

"Saving us $70!" she whispered back. He stopped complaining. A few minutes later Hermione was driving down a major highway, Severus sitting beside her and looking at the map.

"If you want to go to New York City, you're going the wrong way according to this map," he informed her.

"No I'm not. You're holding it upside down..." She said and laughed.

"Well, you're driving on the wrong side of the road. And so are they..." Severus said as a car passed them.

"We're in America, Snape. Everything's, well... backwards."

"Did you just call me 'Snape'?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes. I didn't know what to call you. I can't very well call you 'Professor'," Hermione said with a slight blush.

"You can't very well call me 'Snape' either. If we're going to spend a half a month together you might as well call me Severus," he said.

"Severus..." Hermione whispered as though trying it out on her tongue. It made him shiver. To try to rid himself of the feeling he began to search through the bag of 'snacks'. He found to be a bag of sweets, almost all of which he had never seen before. There was a few small chocolate cupcakes with a squiggle of white icing across them, a bag of crisps labeled 'Nacho Cheese Doritos', a box of chocolate cookies with a sort of crème filling, a few long yellow cake-like things, and a box of circular cakes covered in a shiny chocolate icing.. He picked out one of those and inspected it curiously.

"That's a dingdong. It's chocolate cake with crème in the center," Hermione told him. He opened the wrapper and suspiciously took a bite. He let out a moan that clearly stated he liked the sweet and hurriedly stuffed the rest into his mouth. Hermione snorted and turned on the radio. 'Oops I did it Again' blasted through the speakers. Severus looked appalled as Hermione began to hum along. He rolled his eyes and dug out another sugary delicacy.

**1 hour and 10 dingdongs later**

"Um, Severus, I think you over-did it a bit on the dingdongs..." Hermione said to the shaking man beside her. She slowly reached over and grabbed the box of cakes.

"I'll give you to the count of three to relinquish the dingdongs!" Severus said, wide-eyed, and pointed his wand at her. She sighed and handed back the box as 'Oops I did it Again' began to play. She groaned.

"It was good the first time, maybe even the second time, but the third time! If I have to listen to one more Brittany Spears song, I'm going to Avada the damn radio!" she turned the dial to 'off' and looked over at her passenger. She tried to stifle a giggle. He looked like a sugar-high schoolboy. He was quite cute. She spluttered at her own thought. The words Sna – no, Severus, and _cute_ aren't supposed to go together! She shook her head to clear it and forced herself to focus on the road. Only a few miles to go until they were in New York City.

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A/N: This is a story for a challenge on WIKTT:

Severus and Hermione must embark on a cross-country road trip of North America, for whatever reason(s) the author chooses. It can be a pre or post-war fic, but Hermione must have completed her schooling at Hogwarts -- however many years following her graduation is at the writer's discretion; but I prefer 2-5. Severus and Hermione MUST end up romantically involved by the end of the road trip. The genre of this fic is intended to be a humorous romance; but if you would prefer drama, angst, etc., then by all means, please do so. The length can be anything from a one-shot (though it will be difficult to fit everything in one chapter) to a multi-chapter fic. Keep in mind the deadline when choosing the length of your story.

**Challenge Requirements: **

Hermione must be the primary driver. At some point in time, Severus must try to take over the driving. Bonus points if you have him drive on the wrong side of the road. Severus, ever the navigator, gets them lost, and must ask for directions. The car must be towed; the fee of which, they can't afford. They must re-acquire the vehicle by any means necessary. Bonus points if you can realistically earn them the money to pay for the fee. In the middle of the night, stuck in a hellish traffic-jam, Hermione must somehow convince Severus to sing songs from Queen (blasted on the radio) at the top of his lungs, with the windows rolled down. At least one trip to a famous library is required. Hermione must insist on picking up at least one innocent-looking hitchhiker. Weather or not the hitchhiker is truly innocent is up to the writer. Bonus points if it's an evil granny-type. A stop in at least once seedy motel is required. A "raid" on a convenience store for travel munchies, and an ensuing argument over chips/crisps vs. chocolate. The following states must be visited: Massachusetts, New York, Ohio, Iowa, Colorado, Nevada, and California. 

**Required Dialogue: **

1. "Just give me the damn map!"

2. "You're holding it upside down…"

3. "Do you wear those all of the time!"

4. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

5. "And then you woke up and realized it was all just a dream!"

6. "Those look like giant marshmallows. Now if only we had some giant chocolate bars and graham crackers…"

7. "I recommend the pork lo mein."

8. "Haven't you ever seen a cow before?"

9. "I'll give you to the count of three to relinquish the dingdongs!"

10. "If I have to listen to one more Brittany Spears song, I'm going to Avada the damn radio!"

11. "Sod off!"

The deadline for this challenge is September 8, 2005. That gives you two months to complete it. I will be reading all responses, and will choose the best from the group. After all, what's a challenge without a winner?

R&R


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